A Very Classic Tale
by Sweswe
Summary: The King of Hyrule has let it be announced that any man who can complete three trials will marry Princess Zelda. So far none has succeeded but all of a sudden a prince and a wandering hero are pitted against each other and people start playing favorites.


A Very Classic Tale

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

-o-

Once Upon a Time

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><p>The King of Hyrule had but one daughter, who was dearer to him than anything else in the world. He had no intension whatsoever of letting his sweet Zelda be married off to some unworthy little ant. How could any man be anything but unworthy? Or any more significant than an ant? But in time he was forced to reconsider. He was growing old and who would look after his dear Zelda when he was gone? No, he would have to find her a husband, but it had to be man better than himself or it would not do. He let it be announced that the one who passed three trials would wed his daughter and become king.<p>

Men traveled far and wide to ask for the Hylian princess's hand in marriage. She had a reputation to have a heart colder than ice, but it would not discourage them. She was described to have skin white as porcelain, sunshine caught in her hair, grace and beauty enough to attract princes and dukes, marquesses and counts. And if beauty did not do the trick, the riches of Hyrule did. But, alas, none could prove that he possessed more wit, strength and valor than the king.

"Whatever shall I do?" the king despaired after yet another had failed and been kicked out, headlong, into the mud. "Soon there will be no noblemen left in the world. I am quite sure that there has been a decrease in looks, skill and wealth for each new man standing before me. I will never be able to die in peace."

That was when a youth clad in green stepped forth and stood before the king's high throne. His tunic was dusty, the dirty blond hair unkempt and he wore the silliest hat the king had ever laid eyes upon; long, green and pointy. Not could he be here for the fair princess's sake?

"Who are you, strange traveler?" the king asked, his horror apparent.

"My King," the youth spoke. "I am of no renowned house. I am not able to introduce myself with any honorable title, not even the name of my father. I go simply by the name of Link, and I am here to take your trial."

"I see that you carry a sword. You must take joy in overcoming obstacles and I understand that you must want nothing in return other than the sweet taste of victory. I shall be generous and offer you lots of gold for completing my three tasks."

"No, sire," came Link's swift reply and he frowned up at the king.

"Then half of my kingdom?"

"I care not for gold or land. All I want is Princess Zelda's hand in marriage."

A shudder went down the king's spine at the thought of handing Zelda over to some unknown ruffian. It was unthinkable. Unthinkable!

"My daughter you may not have."

"Why is that, sire? You have let it be known that any man who can complete your challenges will have Princess Zelda. How I fare will deem me worthy, I know that, because Your Majesty will judge me fairly and not send me away."

The king glanced at his many subjects that stood gathered around them. Now he regretted how desperate he had been to call for suitors. He had hoped that the man would be dumb enough to simply accept a no, but the way this discussion was headed people would start taking sides and that was never a good thing. There had to be a way out, and he grinned as it hit him. He had to think up a really difficult task. One that would be impossible to overcome.

"Very well... uh, Link. You will have your first task. To demonstrate your wisdom you will be given a riddle. Whatever you find in the answer to this riddle is what I want you to fetch me before the tomorrow sun reaches the highest top of its course across the sky or else you fail, understood?"

Link nodded and the king cozied deeper back in his throne.

"A man came walking across a bridge, upon which he came across another man. He looked down at their feet and he said, 'it looks as if the two of us create a fable.' To which the other man replied, 'a fable? No, good sir, look at my shining shoes whilst your feet shine shoeless. In comparison to me you are but an ass.' And the barefoot man left in defeat."

The king smacked his lips. There was no way the boy could pull this off. That very same thought seemed to have struck Link as well, as the young man suddenly looked very downtrodden. The king was about to shoo him away when a fanfare nearly had him fall out of his high throne. As if waken up from a nap by a bucket of cold water, the king looked around to identify the source of the noise. In strode another young man, a long navy blue cape swishing behind him. He was tall, dressed in the finest clothing, his face wore a dignified look and on top of his head rested a golden diadem. To the king it could just as well have been a halo engulfing the man in a holy light. He was so happy he could cry. Here stood the perfect son-in-law.

"Well met, noble stranger. Tell me your name," the king said in wonder, eyes glistening.

"Well met, O King of Hyrule, I am Marth of Altea and I have come to ask for Princess Zelda's hand in marriage."

"Yes. Please, do marry her!"

"Sire!" Link interjected hotly. "You already promised to let me take your challenge."

It was doubtful whether a weeping Pichu could look sadder than the king in that moment. Moment being the word. By the time he had cleared his throat his composure was in check again. He only needed to be patient, he told himself, because the poor man in green would fail. He would see to that himself.

"Marth of Altea, my most profound apologies for this, most dreadful, inconvenience. Can I offer you to take advantage of our hospitality until this man has proceeded with his challenge? As no one has ever succeeded I bid you not to grow anxious but to wait for your turn."

The prince glanced at his rival, who was not shy to stare right back at him, before raising his chin up at the king.

"If you would excuse, Your Majesty," Marth said, "I cannot lower my guard, even for the most innocent threat. I would never forgive myself if I allowed this treasure to escape my hand, not after I have traveled this far and when your reply raised my hopes too."

"That will not do," the king said in haste, "to insult a prince by giving him false hopes, and to leave him waiting. No, you must undergo the challenge first. You understand... Pink?"

"Link," Link muttered, before he added in a louder voice, "sire, you cannot go back on your word."

The king saw his subjects mumble quietly among themselves. This turned out to be more of a pickle than even his crafty mind could handle. If only he could be rid of Pink everything would be perfect, but he could sense people would not allow that. In this great peril he turned to the silent creature that had been sitting cross-legged on a velvet pillow beside his throne. A birthday present from a most agreeable fellow called Giovanni.

"Mewtwo, how to solve this?" the king asked, and the feline creature – one of a kind – gracefully turned its head and lavender-colored eyes towards him.

"Let them both take the challenge at the same time."

"Ah, naturally." The king looked down at the two men with great authority. "You will both be taking the challenge," he proclaimed while pointing a chubby finger at them.

Link and Marth scrutinized one another from head to toe.

"I will repeat the riddle that is your first task," the king said. "A king was once _led_ to a _river_. There he was given a choice. Either he had to _drink _from the river or take his shoes off before he could cross the bridge. Even though his shoes were _glued_ to his feet the king _would not drink_ and struggled to get them off. Then he made sure to keep his shoes _upturned_ because he was _superstitious_ and afraid of having the _bad luck_ of falling into the water. Halfway across he met a _prince. _The king greeted the _handsome youth in blue_ and cheerfully struck up conversation with him. He looked down on their legs that together were _four_ in number and to show sign of friendship said that if they stuck together they would have enough legs to match a noble creature from the _animal kingdom_. However, when the prince noticed the king's bare feet he pointed out that it would be impossible. He was more of a noble creature on his own as the king measured up short. _In comparison_ the king was but _an ass_ and so the king was _defeated_."

"It's different from before," Link pointed out. And what was up with the stresses?

"It is?" the king said innocently. He slumped down, with Bambi-eyes full of regret, and appeared as small and weak as a child. "My memory is not what it once was. I know that, and now I am forced to remember that my time here with all of you is running out. Oh, my poor little Zelda. What will become of you when I am gone?"

A wave of gasps and sighs of pity went through the crowd of subjects. Everybody looked at the, seemingly, dying king with tears in their eyes. Mewtwo looked the other way.

"Leave. Get started on your task," the king said and the two men had no choice but to obey.

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><p>(AN)

I fear this might be one of the silliest things I have ever written. I laugh more at how poor the jokes are than the actual jokes. Sometimes it feels like a breath of fresh air to let go and allow oneself to be stupid like that.

I have always loved fairy tales. I still have several collections in my bookcase that my parents used to read for me when I was a child and now I like to read them myself. The stories might be simple but I feel that it leaves room to approach them in different ways. They can be light-hearted and sweet but there are also a lot of cleverly portrayed values and darker themes to keep an eye open for. There is a lot to find and think about.

I thought about stealing the wisdom task from a story where a girl is asked to arrive at the prince's caste neither naked nor dressed, neither hungry nor full (because her father bragged about her great wisdom to have her married to the prince) but I decided against it. Forgive that stupid excuse of a riddle I put in its place. I do find it a bit funny though (yes, I'm the horrible kind that find my own bad jokes funny) that it gives the feeling that the king makes himself out to be smarter than he really his. He comes up with some nonsense there on the spot and praises himself when no one gets it.

Thank you very much for reading.


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